when did I become such a cold unfeeling person? did it start from birth? Born without parents. Given up. Adopted. Why and how could I be so cold? Just watching a show on PBS about undertakers and feeling more for the people I do not know...the child...the old lady...than I did for my own. My own mother, my father, my husband. I was never with him to see him through 'the process.' I have no idea what they did to him or for him or if they were ever reverenced towards him. How could I just leave him like that? My mother. I am glad I was with her when she died. Even Carroll, when he died. To walk them both through the place to go meet with Jesus. But, then, what after? I abandoned both of them to 'just get it over with.' Enough hassle, enough pain. But, who will sit with me? Who will care when I go? Who will watch with me? ? Karma says, no one. I'll take it on my own, like everything else. This sucks.