Can I possibly? ow

Get much lower? Much more depressed than I am right now? 12/26/11. Still allowing the bullshit of the problem to percolate around my brain. I am so depressed and I am so trying to hang onto what I know is the truth. The devil is on me hard...If God doesn't give you any more than you can handle at one time, then I should be just fine. But, I think the problem, or part of my problem, is that I am allowing all of the bullshit to percolate around my brain all at the same time. Here's the facts. I am a loser. I was born a loser, I grew up a loser, I had children whom I had no idea how not to turn into losers, but who have, thankfully, prooved me wrong on that one...beauties. But, lets' continue on with me, shall we? Every fucking loser that came along, I attached myself too. Here and there, there were a couple of good guys who I certainly got rid of very quickly with no fanfare. Back to the losers. How much can a girl stand? Really???? Adopted at birth, for whatever reason besides being unwanted. Abused, beaten, sexually abused. Nice. It's all so good. It all set me up so well for a lifetime of nothing but failure. Couldn't someone, just someone, believed in me? Couldn't someone, just one person, known what was happening to me? Stop the madness??? the insanity????? And, now, here I am at 60. A fucking full blown unemployed, with no one to help me, loser of the first degreee. Can't drive, have no idea where I'm going...STILL. All these fucking years later. All these fucking years later. And, so, God has provided me to weather through this storm. Great. I really could use his arms around me and holding me and rocking me and assuring me that it really is gonna be ok, cause all I see is no license, no way to get around, tons of money to pay, and lots of tricks to do for a system that can't manage to get the bad guys... whatever. I was wrong and I will pay. More than any other person has paid. What the fuck ever. Thanks for the memories. And thanks for all the support.