The end of Charlie

I am amazed at how I can change so quickly. For the past several years I've been thinking of how lonely I feel. Feeling lonely being alone; looking at couples everywhere and feeling alone. Being the 'third wheel' with Nick and Flor; me, always alone. And then, as always, I start 'looking' on the internet for an old flame or a new one. Got a new one a couple of years back who obviously was only interested in the sex and that's not what I thought I wanted so that ended. Still feeling lonely and alone, I search the internet and one day find Charlie. The Charlie I remembered, the hot, sexy long haired rebel, is now 61, Ok, so we've all aged. But, the hot sexy long haired rebel is now a hypochondriac, fearful; full of drama and New Jersey co dependent with his family. Well, maybe we can get through this.

We move in together February 2011 after he leaves his wife, sells his condo and moves down to Florida. All's well for the first couple of weeks then the mistakes start happening. Tara's tax return, Flor's tax return, inability to fix anything to last. Whining, drama-ing, family phone calls constantly, fearing everything from raccoons to kids on trampolines...Uh oh. Then, I find that I'm not happy coming home nor do I want to come home. I'm not dealing well with the snoring, so I move upstairs. I can't stand the constant 'I'm right always" attitude and I really can't stand the 'family' visit in April. So, I think, too many years alone with no one. Can't mix it up as a couple. Never danced once. Not once. I hear about this Mambo thing and I never dance once. Sigh. Told I have got to stop howling with the animals while drunk. I think not. I've been howling for years since living on 22 acres of Maine land.. I don't want to eat lamb for Easter, but, must cause that's what Momma used to make. Phone calls, phone calls, new problems, old problems. This guy is too old for me. This is not...my Charlie. Too many prescription drugs, too many ailments. Please get me out of this. Still feeling like I have no home since none of it is mine. I say I'll try, but I can't get over the pissed off constant feeling in my deepest gut. I turn to God. I leave it to Him to fix and fix it He does. Charlie leaves a note that he came to Florida to be with me and not be a roommate so he's going to live with his brother, the imitable Jimmy the porn freak, and I have to wonder if he's planning on porking him because to me that's what would NOT constitute being a roommate. One can only wonder. And, now, here we are, two weeks later, and after the saving shot in the back NOT working anymore, he's coming back to see the doctor on the 31st. I find this out from Nick through Rick. Am I expected to 'put him up' when he comes back? Sure, no problem, but, guess what, you're sleeping upstairs in the guest room because YOUR room is now MY room and I'm very very happy over that.

I feel like this guy was trying to 'absorb' my life and my world. Take over anything that appeared to be mine and make it all his. My cat, Noodle, the pool, the house...I knew it wouldn't work back at Easter time. I knew it wouldn't work when he fucked up the tax return. You're supposed to be a tax preparer and you fuck them up royally????? Unacceptable. Am I too 'picky?' Am I now destined to be alone forever because I can't bend and adapt? I really don't care anymore. I'll stay alone, with God, and my family. There's nothing more important to me now. We started out this 'new' revived relationship with a lie once again...shades of Athena/Linda. And, yes, theres that stupid bitch facebook status thing. Can't reveal a relationship because maybe Linda will not keep up the health insurance. Not that I have insurance or ever will in the interim...yeah, definitely begrudged. I can't stand the American Idol, I can't stand the music, I can't stand the constant diet of fat and pizza, and I realized I really couldn't much stand Charlie. So much for old flames...