Listening to Van Cliburn 'Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto No. 1' on You Tube and thinking about learning of his death today. Bringing back childhood memories of falling in love with this handsome young man away back...and wishing I could play a piano like him. How I loved and love Classical music. Where ever that came from, I am thankful. 
I don't know how all this new change is going to shake out. VA catching up with me. I'm not happy about losing that pension. I know I must, but, that is a big hit. And, dealing with Charlie. Today, I swear, is the first time that I realized how right he was/is. I was so fucking cruel. I hope, I truly hope, this day, right now, that this relationship can be fixed. He is the best person/man I have in my life. I don't want to live alone or grow old alone. He could easily be my best friend. I don't know what kind of uppity bullshit I was into back when he came for the first time. This guy really did up heave his entire life to have me be a squirrly idiot. How bizarre and how unfair. 
I don't want to grow old alone.