Listening to Van Cliburn 'Tchaikovsky Piano Concerto No. 1' on You Tube and thinking about learning of his death today. Bringing back childhood memories of falling in love with this handsome young man away back...and wishing I could play a piano like him. How I loved and love Classical music. Where ever that came from, I am thankful. 
I don't know how all this new change is going to shake out. VA catching up with me. I'm not happy about losing that pension. I know I must, but, that is a big hit. And, dealing with Charlie. Today, I swear, is the first time that I realized how right he was/is. I was so fucking cruel. I hope, I truly hope, this day, right now, that this relationship can be fixed. He is the best person/man I have in my life. I don't want to live alone or grow old alone. He could easily be my best friend. I don't know what kind of uppity bullshit I was into back when he came for the first time. This guy really did up heave his entire life to have me be a squirrly idiot. How bizarre and how unfair. 
I don't want to grow old alone. 

Love how we gotta keep changing every fucking think on this computer!! Took 5 minutes to figure out how to post a new thought!! Very fucking conducive to writing, assholes.

Anyway, now that I'm here. I must thank God and write down that I've finally enjoyed work this past weekend!! Yes, enjoyed! More or less. Let's not get too carried away...
I go to work Friday night. Always get depressed Thursday thinking ahead to Friday, but, always trying to chase that feeling away. Again, I go to work Friday night. There's this guy on the line. He seems professional, and quiet and is setting for Grill side. I figure he's a boss since everyone is working so well. Remember, there is NO gradual introduction into what's going on on the line. It's right into the fire. So, I'm enjoying this Friday night cause of this guy. What the fuck? After hearing the 'chatter' for awhile, I come to realize that this guy is the guy who was coming back from Pennsy. Well, gosh, he's at least semi close to my age, and not a' childish prankster. ' All of the sudden, the clouds have dissipated. Shut my mouth. Then, I go in Saturday at the same time as Jeffrey, telling him, of course, how glad I am that he's here, in ways I can't express, and end up working alongside Manny. Manny and Jorge are Peruvian and I share the family ties of my Flor. Well that seems to open up another really cool avenue!! Manny and I have a  ball and HUG when he leaves!! All of the sudden, I get a weekend in which I'm enjoying my job!!!!!! For real!!!! And, come tomorrow morning when I get the Ka Ching message on my phone, I must doubly thank you Abba!!!!!! For answering my prayer. And, now...on to Jeremiah...Father, open his eyes and put your word for him in my mouth. In Jesus' name. AMEN!!!! Thank you Abba Father!!!!!!xoxoxox