Thursday, 4/18 and the excitement is building. I'm not being stupid here...I know this is my last chance, or what I percieve as my last chance, to be with someone...to have someone, to love someone. With all my heart, I want to make this work with him. He is a good man. Kind, generous and yes, maybe a pain in the ass but so the hell am I. In a huge way...
This is a total test for me. Can I let go? Can I let go and let someone in?? I must. For myself. I must...More later. Time to go to work!
God is at work in so many parts of my life. I am happy working with Joe. And, I am enjoying the people at work. That's good...thats very good.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Well. Now what. In two weeks Charlie will be back for a visit. I have cojurned this visit. I have begged this visit. Now what. I have read over past posts and gagged. Seriously Lynn? And, you are the voice of compassion and reason? I am so blessed that God deals with me in any way...What a pompous bitch.
Today is a beautiful fully engaged rainy day of Spring. It has been a beautiful day. I am of course, freaking out over tomorrow being Friday already. Back to work. I hate that job. I hate the idea of that job, I think. I'd rather just be here. I'm feeling comfortable? Like it's ok I'm here??? I'd better keep on keepin' on. God is telling me to be patient and see where all this is leading. Ok. Will do. I've got the ability or the freedom, to take time off and still get paid when I work so I best be careful. I want to be the soap lady. We'll see. If I'd get off my ass and commit, maybe we could make this happen.
Right now, I am more worried for my mental health concerning this upcoming visit. I do feel like I screwed up a good thing with Charlie but I don't know if I can open my self up enough to make it right, I want to make it right, I really do. Can I do it? I'm gonna try with all my might ...and trust God.
Today is a beautiful fully engaged rainy day of Spring. It has been a beautiful day. I am of course, freaking out over tomorrow being Friday already. Back to work. I hate that job. I hate the idea of that job, I think. I'd rather just be here. I'm feeling comfortable? Like it's ok I'm here??? I'd better keep on keepin' on. God is telling me to be patient and see where all this is leading. Ok. Will do. I've got the ability or the freedom, to take time off and still get paid when I work so I best be careful. I want to be the soap lady. We'll see. If I'd get off my ass and commit, maybe we could make this happen.
Right now, I am more worried for my mental health concerning this upcoming visit. I do feel like I screwed up a good thing with Charlie but I don't know if I can open my self up enough to make it right, I want to make it right, I really do. Can I do it? I'm gonna try with all my might ...and trust God.
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