I just had to take a motorcycle ride the morning of our leaving for Peru. Go a whole week without a ride??? I think not...
At 3 pm, off we go to Miami for the first leg of a very long afternoon, night into the next day. Arrive at MIA. I finally got to put a stamp on my passport that I got to go to Belize so many years ago and that never happened. A strange place with lots of people. Seems like everyone is trying to sell something. Trying to make a buck any way they can. I took a picture of an old man walking with a llama and gave him a buck. He was excited with that American dollar!! But, of course this is the way of the world. Make a buck.
I was a little uncomfortable being the only person in the household who could not speak spanish so I felt left out of everything. No bother. Dora tried to communicate with me as we were sightseeing and I understood her enough to get by. Saw some beautiful old architecture. Churches. The Pacific coastline and the very cold water of the pacific. Loved the markets. The food markets the super markets. The crazy driving!! Was kind of cold and damp but it was winter? Opposite of us below the equator. Would I go back? Probably not. Maybe if I could speak spanish but I'm not interested in learning again...I found the intense poverty unnerving. Up in the mountains...and just the way people live. Flor's sister Milli had some nice digs...Miraflores was a pretty place. Everyone is too short!! lol
Saturday, January 11, 2020
IF only I could get this writing thing under control...
and write on a regular basis. I have so much to write about, so many questions/concerns on my mind among other things. I just read a devotional about caring for your heart and one of the biggest concerns I am going through right now is the condition of my heart. I feel a depth of anger, mostly towards myself, in there. When I fail at something or when I'm challenged by something I find that I tend to belittle myself over it. What a stupid idiot. Why oh why do I continue to do that when I have been saved by the precious blood of Jesus and I know damn well that all that crap has been nailed to the cross? I am so angry with this useless man in my house. I am so angry that he failed so miserably in being a husband/help mate and loving wise father. But, who's opinion is that? Mine? So there's judgement as well as anger. If I say to myself a hundred times a day that God is in control God is in control God is in control, then I am able to experience the peace of convincing myself that God is indeed in control. But I slip so easily. I hate it that I get angry. I hate it that I judge ANYTHING or anyone. As Paul said, "Why do I always do what I don't want to do yet do not do what I want to do?" I guess he had the same problem. And, according to what I know, he was no better than me...
And, now, I struggle through this "Christmas Thing" with my son and daughter in law. I feel so hurt that I didn't even get so much as a card...nothing. One statement I suspect was for show. "We forgot to bring your mother's present." I'm trying to convince my heart that it's not the lack of a gift but rather a lack to teach a moment of generosity to my grandkids. They are learning full well how to be consumers and not givers. My saving grace idea in that is Sarasota Christian School which assures my heart that they are learning the most important life lessons somewhere. The idea that you can give the kids two or three dollars and turn them loose in Dollar Tree to get something for grandma/grandpa that excites THEIR heart and teaches them generosity...but, in reality my feelings are deeply hurt at all the bullshit I've heard. "We appreciate you for what you did for us SOOOOO much Mom. Giving up 2 years of your life to come to NYC." We'll help you with EVERYTHING when we get home." Shit, it was pulling teeth to get help cutting the lawn...Then 5 months of everyone here, which I loved but a slight show of appreciation with a Christmas card identifying that really would have gone far and wide. I worry because Nick is very much like his father in so many ways and, of course, that leads me back to regret for having left him while I moved about. Another done deal that is out of my control. I am deeply hurt however, over this Christmas nothingness...
I am so deeply grateful my grandbabies are in SCS because they certainly are not learning any of the most important lessons for life at home. God must come first. Especially in this increasingly evil world.
That's enough for now. Thank you Lord for your endless Grace...xo
And, now, I struggle through this "Christmas Thing" with my son and daughter in law. I feel so hurt that I didn't even get so much as a card...nothing. One statement I suspect was for show. "We forgot to bring your mother's present." I'm trying to convince my heart that it's not the lack of a gift but rather a lack to teach a moment of generosity to my grandkids. They are learning full well how to be consumers and not givers. My saving grace idea in that is Sarasota Christian School which assures my heart that they are learning the most important life lessons somewhere. The idea that you can give the kids two or three dollars and turn them loose in Dollar Tree to get something for grandma/grandpa that excites THEIR heart and teaches them generosity...but, in reality my feelings are deeply hurt at all the bullshit I've heard. "We appreciate you for what you did for us SOOOOO much Mom. Giving up 2 years of your life to come to NYC." We'll help you with EVERYTHING when we get home." Shit, it was pulling teeth to get help cutting the lawn...Then 5 months of everyone here, which I loved but a slight show of appreciation with a Christmas card identifying that really would have gone far and wide. I worry because Nick is very much like his father in so many ways and, of course, that leads me back to regret for having left him while I moved about. Another done deal that is out of my control. I am deeply hurt however, over this Christmas nothingness...
I am so deeply grateful my grandbabies are in SCS because they certainly are not learning any of the most important lessons for life at home. God must come first. Especially in this increasingly evil world.
That's enough for now. Thank you Lord for your endless Grace...xo
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Wednesday, June 20, 2018 NYC Brooklyn. I have seen it all here. I have learned here. I see how we all try to just get by. I will miss this place...not so much the place, but the journey in the place.
Just sitting on the balcony at 530 when it became cool enough with a breeze to sit outside. Having a cold beer and munching on some microwave popcorn. I've been rubbing my hand on the arm of the chair when the thought hit me that I could hear Carroll's voice saying "just rub the wood. It won't hurt anything. The oils on your skin is good for wood." He'd sit there rubbing that birds eye maple pipe on his hands or on his jeans. It kept getting closer and closer to being mirrorlike...What a talented wood worker/carpenter. Sigh.
Just sitting on the balcony at 530 when it became cool enough with a breeze to sit outside. Having a cold beer and munching on some microwave popcorn. I've been rubbing my hand on the arm of the chair when the thought hit me that I could hear Carroll's voice saying "just rub the wood. It won't hurt anything. The oils on your skin is good for wood." He'd sit there rubbing that birds eye maple pipe on his hands or on his jeans. It kept getting closer and closer to being mirrorlike...What a talented wood worker/carpenter. Sigh.
Friday, June 15, 2018
I"m deeply thinking about leaving here. This experience has been eye=opening.
I am watching people and families with children, ''parading'' around dressed beautifully. They are celebrating Eid Mubarak. The end of Ramadan. Now, in my white girl all american jersey born and bred and bucketed up with this Brooklyn gig for the past two years, would say..."Fuck."
But, the truth is, they look beautiful and they are proudly promenading and I can see the tradition they brought with them in play, right here in Brooklyn, in front of my eyes. I do not agree with their religious views but I sure do appreciate their commitment and feasting!
I have learned love here. Endlessly, day by day, by my grandbabies, but also I have fallen in love with many of these people here in the hood. I feel the love of Jesus within my heart. I am honored to share it with any of the people I come in contact with or pass in the streets. It is most difficult at times but I can only imagine how Jesus must have felt since he had the ability to see into their hearts...I'm only guessing..., for now.
I thought of being home and being on my lanai and listening to q u i e t. What will happen? Will I freak? Silence is deafening?????? I pray I can bring my heart felt commitment to only listen and trust God and stop being a judgmental bitch. I pray I can chill and settle peacefully back in. Maybe for the first time.
I am glad beyond that I had the experience to live in NYC. It truly is a dream come true. The food is amazing. The people are good, bad and really bad. Stupidity rages here. Cluelessness. And it's too damned expensive. People shouldn't be able to jack the price of snacks at a damn zoo by three times over. Stay cheap, sell more. This is America for petes sake. Haven't gotten that yet?
I am watching people and families with children, ''parading'' around dressed beautifully. They are celebrating Eid Mubarak. The end of Ramadan. Now, in my white girl all american jersey born and bred and bucketed up with this Brooklyn gig for the past two years, would say..."Fuck."
But, the truth is, they look beautiful and they are proudly promenading and I can see the tradition they brought with them in play, right here in Brooklyn, in front of my eyes. I do not agree with their religious views but I sure do appreciate their commitment and feasting!
I have learned love here. Endlessly, day by day, by my grandbabies, but also I have fallen in love with many of these people here in the hood. I feel the love of Jesus within my heart. I am honored to share it with any of the people I come in contact with or pass in the streets. It is most difficult at times but I can only imagine how Jesus must have felt since he had the ability to see into their hearts...I'm only guessing..., for now.
I thought of being home and being on my lanai and listening to q u i e t. What will happen? Will I freak? Silence is deafening?????? I pray I can bring my heart felt commitment to only listen and trust God and stop being a judgmental bitch. I pray I can chill and settle peacefully back in. Maybe for the first time.
I am glad beyond that I had the experience to live in NYC. It truly is a dream come true. The food is amazing. The people are good, bad and really bad. Stupidity rages here. Cluelessness. And it's too damned expensive. People shouldn't be able to jack the price of snacks at a damn zoo by three times over. Stay cheap, sell more. This is America for petes sake. Haven't gotten that yet?
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Here we are, five years later!! lol Such a disciplined writer! But, I want to keep track of what's going on here where apparently it will last forever.
I have now been daily using medical marijuana for three months. I want to report on how different I feel.
I have completely lost the dreaded/anxious feeling. I am also weaning myself off anti-depressives and high blood pressure medication. I do not want to take these dangerous chemicals anymore. Filled my life with dangerous chemicals and now in my waning years, I want to be clean. The pot is amazing. The difference in the quality and quantity of the weed is night and day between a dispensary and a 'guy on the street.' I figure I take 2 hits 4 times a day. That's enough and over the long term, it has proven itself to heal in a way I wouldn't have believed possible. Because of not using pot just to get high, and by limiting my 'hits,' I am feeling better, more confident, more peaceful and able to cope with anything that comes along. I feel alert, energetic and good. I'm trying to eat cleanly but, of course, there are some things I just love, like that damn good bagel in the morning dripping with olive oil and coffee. My secret pleasure. I've definitely cut down on drinking and still am amazed when I manage to get a big buzz on and feel like poop because...why? Why even bother?
I have a whole new attitude about smoking pot. I am amazed that controlled usage has led to feeling so much better like I've been reading. If you told me I would feel like this now, I wouldn't have believed it. I guess the anti depressives are squirreling around the wrong part of my brain. I have no problem with over drinking while taking them but with steady weed, a beer is sometimes enough.
I love the taste of the pot and the mild buzz that comes with the relief of any pain I might be dealing with.
I have now been daily using medical marijuana for three months. I want to report on how different I feel.
I have completely lost the dreaded/anxious feeling. I am also weaning myself off anti-depressives and high blood pressure medication. I do not want to take these dangerous chemicals anymore. Filled my life with dangerous chemicals and now in my waning years, I want to be clean. The pot is amazing. The difference in the quality and quantity of the weed is night and day between a dispensary and a 'guy on the street.' I figure I take 2 hits 4 times a day. That's enough and over the long term, it has proven itself to heal in a way I wouldn't have believed possible. Because of not using pot just to get high, and by limiting my 'hits,' I am feeling better, more confident, more peaceful and able to cope with anything that comes along. I feel alert, energetic and good. I'm trying to eat cleanly but, of course, there are some things I just love, like that damn good bagel in the morning dripping with olive oil and coffee. My secret pleasure. I've definitely cut down on drinking and still am amazed when I manage to get a big buzz on and feel like poop because...why? Why even bother?
I have a whole new attitude about smoking pot. I am amazed that controlled usage has led to feeling so much better like I've been reading. If you told me I would feel like this now, I wouldn't have believed it. I guess the anti depressives are squirreling around the wrong part of my brain. I have no problem with over drinking while taking them but with steady weed, a beer is sometimes enough.
I love the taste of the pot and the mild buzz that comes with the relief of any pain I might be dealing with.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Bonnie...This is about Bonnie. And, God, (always)
I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle; own a motorcycle, ever since I was very young. I've gotten to ride other people's bikes and did have a Triumph Daytona that was Nick's that I rode for a short time, but, back then, God saw fit, in His impeccable wisdom, to see that I didn't have my own bike because I would've eventually killed myself on it since I thought it was just a-ok to drink like a fish when you ride! As He waits to see how you handle a little before He gives you a lot, so went the progression of becoming a true motorcycle owner. It took forever, but, the time is here and now, and I have total respect for that beautiful old bike and quite a lot more for myself!
We bought that bike back in the Spring of '94, in Phippsburg Maine because Carroll wanted it.Thank GOD it never ran right and thank GOD Carroll never got full control over riding her on a regular basis due to the funky mechanical problems she came with. When she came to Lubec with us and the restoration began more regular, it was good to meet John at Snow Hill Garage in Appleton and have him do the really big bottom end stuff. Carroll worked on restoring her and wanted to have that wiring and the assembly of the engine and bike parts, perfect. That, in itself, helped to guarantee the integrity of Miss Bonnie as she sat over the ensuing years; Always stored inside, oiled down and wrapped up.
There were plans, throughout those years, to get her running but the money was more of the issue in the sense of priorities. Carroll was so whimsical, (I HATE that word but it fits...) Flighty? He really had never been responsible for running any show's importance of pecking order. His OCD was programmed for pleasure without any thought of what should come first as far as running a household and keeping a family. But, with an inability to keep a job due to poor location and distance to work along with alcoholism, that bike was destined to sit.
I owe a debt of gratitude to Walter for taking her back to Arkansas along with Miss Carolyn, since this act of kindness was the pivot point of what saved her life! Otherwise, she would've been long gone with the rest of my worldly goods that disappeared. But, she made her way to Florida and back into a renewed 'waiting period.' So, Miss Bonnie basically was waiting in the desert for forty years right alongside of me. Waiting to be reborn...
There came that time where I almost sold her away!! Poor Eddie wanted her so bad but, thank GOD, couldn't come up with the money! I am so thankful I did not let her go...
Then, the spark lit in my heart. Now, who can help? What shop will work with me? Triumph dealer, Haps, said they had nobody on staff who worked on antique bikes. What about Performance Motors?? Josh said they're a total rip off...and I allowed myself to be patient and work through concerns of who would be fit and fair to help with the resurrection of Bonnie.
The ride 'that day,' back in the summer of '12, with my Tara. Going to find this warehouse in Whitfield park somewhere. Driving down Whitfield Ave from 301, looking for this street, and passing motorcycles parked at a shop, on the right; ARE THOSE BIKES TRIUMPHS???????????? Holy Shit!!!!!! Hello Mr. Reko!!!! Who turns out to be the mechanic Big Nick knew about but not where he had relocated. Doesn't hurt that he is a handsome guy just about my age!! The deal is struck. I will bring her to him. I told him my heart. I told him I will trust him and leave the decisions and progress of work, to him. I will pay him in chunks and he can take his time. This was a huge step in the tier of gifts and allowances from God I was blessed with to begin her resurrection; meeting Reko.
So, off she goes in the back of Tara's truck with Josh's help to load and unload, back in August of '12. Over the course of time, I work over the winter season on the line at Ruby Tuesday with the strict dedication of working for Bonnie. I give Reko checks to continue resuscitation. I cry a lot, in the beginning, because I hate the job and I'm not real happy working with these young guys who since have turned into guys I love. I was very encouraged to continue working after becoming 'one of the guys,' and started loving the job and thanking GOD for the peace of getting to the job because all of Miss Bonnie's future days with me was riding on this.
As her year under final restoration comes to an end, it becomes apparent to me that I must follow through the process by becoming legal and doing this whole miraculous undertaking, properly. Off I go to Motorcycle School for $175, to get that endorsement on my license and happily, I must say, learn some useful knowledge! I feel like a freakin' loser on the 'field,' but shine in the classroom. But, it's all so new. All so right now! Past quick rides and short excursions with other people's bikes, I really haven't had any real ride time under my belt! So, the realization is plain and clear. After I passed and waited another two weeks to go to motor vehicle to add the endorsement, the plan would be to absolutely learn how to ride this beautiful bike and be intelligently safe and responsible about it.
The next hurdle to overcome was her legality. The first trip to Sarasota office was relatively simple with a simple request of the original bill of sale which I somehow KNEW I had available. But, trying to skirt around the layering of bullshit effect, the next trip was to Lakewood ranch office where a really boxed up agent multiplied the worry. Court orders??? Dead guy signature notorization?????? Then comes Monday, September the 9th, what would've been my 22 year anniversary with the guy who originally wanted the motorcycle so bad. I felt good about something good happening and went for it, back to original Sarasota office while, in the meantime, having Maine look for evidence of registration and mulling over the necessity of someone from VIN verification getting involved. BINGO! Get the VIN verified by a cop, bring the paper back and the title is yours!!! All in God's time...
Saturday, September 14th. Hungover, excited, heart palpitating...time to pick her up. Pay Reko his final. Kick and kick until Reko kicks for me. Run her around the industrial park a bit. Start smiling. Back to the shop. Talk about helmets, borrow Rekos. Time to go. Baby Bon getting restless...kick and kick. Almost dump her but DON"T. Fright moves in. Maybe I should leave her until tomorrow? Get my friend Bill to ride with me? Get 'the look' from Nick. Seriously????? What is that? FEAR????????? Get on that freakin' bike and ride her the fuck home!!! Nick starts her and off we go. Spend the time kick starting every day. Getting a little better every day. The rain stops and off I go. Take a ride to Bill''s. Manage to start her myself after several times of trying and back home. Long two hour ride the next day with Bill, who is great to ride with. I'm so thankful to have someone to ride with. The bike is awesome, she is happy with me and I with her. We are a 'team.' She is 42, I am 62. I am proud of myself and thankful to God for this gift. I am amazed and awed. And, I look forward to riding and riding and riding, with the Grace of God!
I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle; own a motorcycle, ever since I was very young. I've gotten to ride other people's bikes and did have a Triumph Daytona that was Nick's that I rode for a short time, but, back then, God saw fit, in His impeccable wisdom, to see that I didn't have my own bike because I would've eventually killed myself on it since I thought it was just a-ok to drink like a fish when you ride! As He waits to see how you handle a little before He gives you a lot, so went the progression of becoming a true motorcycle owner. It took forever, but, the time is here and now, and I have total respect for that beautiful old bike and quite a lot more for myself!
We bought that bike back in the Spring of '94, in Phippsburg Maine because Carroll wanted it.Thank GOD it never ran right and thank GOD Carroll never got full control over riding her on a regular basis due to the funky mechanical problems she came with. When she came to Lubec with us and the restoration began more regular, it was good to meet John at Snow Hill Garage in Appleton and have him do the really big bottom end stuff. Carroll worked on restoring her and wanted to have that wiring and the assembly of the engine and bike parts, perfect. That, in itself, helped to guarantee the integrity of Miss Bonnie as she sat over the ensuing years; Always stored inside, oiled down and wrapped up.
There were plans, throughout those years, to get her running but the money was more of the issue in the sense of priorities. Carroll was so whimsical, (I HATE that word but it fits...) Flighty? He really had never been responsible for running any show's importance of pecking order. His OCD was programmed for pleasure without any thought of what should come first as far as running a household and keeping a family. But, with an inability to keep a job due to poor location and distance to work along with alcoholism, that bike was destined to sit.
I owe a debt of gratitude to Walter for taking her back to Arkansas along with Miss Carolyn, since this act of kindness was the pivot point of what saved her life! Otherwise, she would've been long gone with the rest of my worldly goods that disappeared. But, she made her way to Florida and back into a renewed 'waiting period.' So, Miss Bonnie basically was waiting in the desert for forty years right alongside of me. Waiting to be reborn...
There came that time where I almost sold her away!! Poor Eddie wanted her so bad but, thank GOD, couldn't come up with the money! I am so thankful I did not let her go...
Then, the spark lit in my heart. Now, who can help? What shop will work with me? Triumph dealer, Haps, said they had nobody on staff who worked on antique bikes. What about Performance Motors?? Josh said they're a total rip off...and I allowed myself to be patient and work through concerns of who would be fit and fair to help with the resurrection of Bonnie.
The ride 'that day,' back in the summer of '12, with my Tara. Going to find this warehouse in Whitfield park somewhere. Driving down Whitfield Ave from 301, looking for this street, and passing motorcycles parked at a shop, on the right; ARE THOSE BIKES TRIUMPHS???????????? Holy Shit!!!!!! Hello Mr. Reko!!!! Who turns out to be the mechanic Big Nick knew about but not where he had relocated. Doesn't hurt that he is a handsome guy just about my age!! The deal is struck. I will bring her to him. I told him my heart. I told him I will trust him and leave the decisions and progress of work, to him. I will pay him in chunks and he can take his time. This was a huge step in the tier of gifts and allowances from God I was blessed with to begin her resurrection; meeting Reko.
So, off she goes in the back of Tara's truck with Josh's help to load and unload, back in August of '12. Over the course of time, I work over the winter season on the line at Ruby Tuesday with the strict dedication of working for Bonnie. I give Reko checks to continue resuscitation. I cry a lot, in the beginning, because I hate the job and I'm not real happy working with these young guys who since have turned into guys I love. I was very encouraged to continue working after becoming 'one of the guys,' and started loving the job and thanking GOD for the peace of getting to the job because all of Miss Bonnie's future days with me was riding on this.
As her year under final restoration comes to an end, it becomes apparent to me that I must follow through the process by becoming legal and doing this whole miraculous undertaking, properly. Off I go to Motorcycle School for $175, to get that endorsement on my license and happily, I must say, learn some useful knowledge! I feel like a freakin' loser on the 'field,' but shine in the classroom. But, it's all so new. All so right now! Past quick rides and short excursions with other people's bikes, I really haven't had any real ride time under my belt! So, the realization is plain and clear. After I passed and waited another two weeks to go to motor vehicle to add the endorsement, the plan would be to absolutely learn how to ride this beautiful bike and be intelligently safe and responsible about it.
The next hurdle to overcome was her legality. The first trip to Sarasota office was relatively simple with a simple request of the original bill of sale which I somehow KNEW I had available. But, trying to skirt around the layering of bullshit effect, the next trip was to Lakewood ranch office where a really boxed up agent multiplied the worry. Court orders??? Dead guy signature notorization?????? Then comes Monday, September the 9th, what would've been my 22 year anniversary with the guy who originally wanted the motorcycle so bad. I felt good about something good happening and went for it, back to original Sarasota office while, in the meantime, having Maine look for evidence of registration and mulling over the necessity of someone from VIN verification getting involved. BINGO! Get the VIN verified by a cop, bring the paper back and the title is yours!!! All in God's time...
Saturday, September 14th. Hungover, excited, heart palpitating...time to pick her up. Pay Reko his final. Kick and kick until Reko kicks for me. Run her around the industrial park a bit. Start smiling. Back to the shop. Talk about helmets, borrow Rekos. Time to go. Baby Bon getting restless...kick and kick. Almost dump her but DON"T. Fright moves in. Maybe I should leave her until tomorrow? Get my friend Bill to ride with me? Get 'the look' from Nick. Seriously????? What is that? FEAR????????? Get on that freakin' bike and ride her the fuck home!!! Nick starts her and off we go. Spend the time kick starting every day. Getting a little better every day. The rain stops and off I go. Take a ride to Bill''s. Manage to start her myself after several times of trying and back home. Long two hour ride the next day with Bill, who is great to ride with. I'm so thankful to have someone to ride with. The bike is awesome, she is happy with me and I with her. We are a 'team.' She is 42, I am 62. I am proud of myself and thankful to God for this gift. I am amazed and awed. And, I look forward to riding and riding and riding, with the Grace of God!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
July 2 2013
You know, it's just so damn good sometimes, that I don't write everyday. Perhaps I get to really see how assinine some of my ideas are.
Here it is, July already. Charlie? I'm feelin' like I'm just done with that. He just pisses me off too much. Just talking with him on the phone pisses me off. I don't know why past he is not the one for me. period. Now it's time, truly time, for me to let go and trust God. That's the only way. With all of this stuff in my life that continues to feel like a bad movie. Time to turn that bad movie into something oscar worthy!! first thing to do is allow GOD to direct this life. Either I"m gonna believe or I'm not gonna believe. Moses sat in the desert for 40 years...You go through the valleys for a reason. The mountain top will come when I am ready in God's eyes for that mountain top to be climbed.
So, work is good. I love my job and I love it that God kept me there until I realized that I love that job and the guys I work with. He puts me where He puts me and there's no way else that I'm gonna get put anywhere unless I'm supposed to be there. My boys are used to me and we have a good repoire. I'm thankful for this job because it supplies just what I need in so many ways. A couple of bucks for the summer without all the work. a destination for the weekend without working Sunday. Keeps me hoppin' and my brain working.
Speaking of which, I've been feeling pretty good lately! Oh sure, I have aches and pains but, mentally speaking, my mind feels clear and I feel good overall. I thank God for this, as I watch the commercials endlessly on TV and praise Him that I don't have that or this or whatever everyone else seems to have.
I hate what this world is becoming. I hate DOMA being shot down by the Supreme court. I hate the way the gays are gaining traction. BUT, I am not going to judge them. That's God's job. When this baby sitting gig is over, maybe I'll go far away to someplace wild and free and away from this crumbling civilization.
I realize how the devil has worked to keep me in irons for so long. So very long. Like my whole freakin' life. It's gotta stop. It's gotta end now. Satan, get behind me, in the name of JESUS. It is finished.
Here it is, July already. Charlie? I'm feelin' like I'm just done with that. He just pisses me off too much. Just talking with him on the phone pisses me off. I don't know why past he is not the one for me. period. Now it's time, truly time, for me to let go and trust God. That's the only way. With all of this stuff in my life that continues to feel like a bad movie. Time to turn that bad movie into something oscar worthy!! first thing to do is allow GOD to direct this life. Either I"m gonna believe or I'm not gonna believe. Moses sat in the desert for 40 years...You go through the valleys for a reason. The mountain top will come when I am ready in God's eyes for that mountain top to be climbed.
So, work is good. I love my job and I love it that God kept me there until I realized that I love that job and the guys I work with. He puts me where He puts me and there's no way else that I'm gonna get put anywhere unless I'm supposed to be there. My boys are used to me and we have a good repoire. I'm thankful for this job because it supplies just what I need in so many ways. A couple of bucks for the summer without all the work. a destination for the weekend without working Sunday. Keeps me hoppin' and my brain working.
Speaking of which, I've been feeling pretty good lately! Oh sure, I have aches and pains but, mentally speaking, my mind feels clear and I feel good overall. I thank God for this, as I watch the commercials endlessly on TV and praise Him that I don't have that or this or whatever everyone else seems to have.
I hate what this world is becoming. I hate DOMA being shot down by the Supreme court. I hate the way the gays are gaining traction. BUT, I am not going to judge them. That's God's job. When this baby sitting gig is over, maybe I'll go far away to someplace wild and free and away from this crumbling civilization.
I realize how the devil has worked to keep me in irons for so long. So very long. Like my whole freakin' life. It's gotta stop. It's gotta end now. Satan, get behind me, in the name of JESUS. It is finished.
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